Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Syllogisms...

I recently heard that a flawed syllogism is that rabbits have whiskers and rabbits are mammals therefore all mammals have whiskers.

Flawed?  Perhaps not as much as I would have wanted to think just a few years back!

You know how when you first begin to shave your legs, it is like a coming of age thing?  You shave everyday.  You would shave more, but the nicks in your legs won't allow for that.   It's cool to be silky smooth.

Of course, over time, you decide that, what the heck, I can go longer than a day.  And then, you decide, what the heck--I wear long pants all winter...

Then, a cool thing happens. 

That hair on the legs begins to thin.  There is not nearly as much and it doesn't grow nearly as fast.

Yeah!!!!!  You breath a sigh of relief.

As you breath a sigh of relief you catch a glimpse of yourself in the bathroom mirror and what is that???? 

What is waving in that little breath?????

You move in closer and Oh DEAR!!!!  That leg hair that you were so happy to have gone is now...

NO!  IT CANNOT BE!!!!

On your face!!!!

Perhaps it is my imagination you think, until one night over dinner in a nice restaurant, your husband stares intently into your face and then says to you, "Are you gonna do something about that mustache."

Now, there's one that the movies and Disney never prepare you for!

So, you decide, well I can take care of you!  You grab the instruments of torture from the medicine cabinet and go to work.

This is okay for a while, but then you notice a new and much more lush growth emerging. 

You head down to Wally World, all the time hoping that no camera carrying peeps are shooting you for the next People Of Wally World episode, slink into the depilatory aisle and--oh thank goodness!!!! 

You find something that will work quickly and it assures that it will make those whiskers, uh hair, thinner each time.  The woman on the package looks hair free and happy, right?  Good enough!  And away you go to rip it all out by the roots! 

Might as well hit it with a scalding hot poker!  Oh my gosh!!!!  You are in the fetal position thinking, "how in the world am I going to deal with the other side?  Will people notice if one side is furry and the other is RED????"

With a will of iron, you zip off the other side thinking that you have won!  The package said you would!  It would thin and go away!

Right?

It didn't warn about the red rash that would develope and the things that look like pimples that last until the next time you have hit the torture chamber again!!!!

Ah hah!  We will go to the beauty salon and get it yanked out by the pros.  They must have the answer, right?  But, after having it yanked out there and a nice, supposedly soothing cream smeared all over and the divestiture of a goodly sum from your wallet, you find that they didn't have the answer either when those pimply things come back again!

After more experimentation and more trips to the store, you come upon the depilatory creme. 

You slather it on your face until you look like Pancho Villa!  Then it makes your lip numb, but the "hair" is gone.  Who cares about a numb lip anyway?   People inject their lips with stuff all the time to make them numb and not move, right?

You wait with bated breath (I looked it up and that IS the correct bated there!  It is NOT baited--k?  I have no idea what you would catch with baited breath?) anyway, you wait with bated breath and no zit like things pop up.

So, short of very expensive, and painful looking electrolysis treatments, this is the current fad in my house...

Mother nature can have a very cruel sense of humor!

4 comments:

  1. Oh my. Sounds like a horror treatment. I've never waxed -- too chicken. I gave up a long time ago and grabbed a razor to get rid of the dreaded facial stubble. It's not the best, but it works for me.

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  2. Ack.

    I usually just shave and leave it at that. I'm a hairy person. My husband will have to deal.

    Unless he wants to pay for hair laser treatments.

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  3. I am quite thrilled that you managed to master "bated". :)

    Wouldn't want you showing up on my other blog as a bad example!

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  4. Rae--Wax is torture! I never tried the razor. Does it leave wicked thick stubble?

    WhisperingWriter--Atta girl! I wonder if the laser treatments hurt. Like, don't they burn the hair off along with the folicle? Hmmmm...

    HM--I wouldn't want to be your bad example either! You have made me raise my standard! LOL

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